As a parent, you hold within you multitudes of stories about your children. Their first everything, that funny time they did this or that, on and on the list goes. But all parents hold at least one story about each child that stands above all the rest. The story that years later has you in tears because you are laughing so hard it is near impossible to tell the listener.
When my children were about 3 and 4, I obtained this particular type of story from my son Lake. It was a sunny and warm Friday, a day that my work schedule required me to work a half day in the afternoon. I always hated that schedule because I couldn't really do much to enjoy the morning with my kids before it was a mad rush to get ready for work, gather up the kids and whatever needed to go with them, drop them off at daycare, and run into work. All to work 4 hours. Anyway, on this particular Friday, I was trying to get ready and finish up one or two last minute things before rushing out the door. I had yelled out to Sage and Lake to get their shoes on and head to the car. I remember being in the kitchen when Sage yelled from the front porch that Lake was running outside to pet a kitty, and Lake saying "Oh look! Kitty!". I yelled at him to leave it alone because it was probably a stray and you just never knew what type of temperament they had. I had just finished up in the kitchen and was just about to the porch when I heard him cry out. I ran out to the porch to see what had happened and it was worse than I could have imagined.
The kitty was a skunk...
I ran outside as fast as I could while yelling at Sage to stay on the porch and Lake to get away from the skunk. He was close enough to the skunk that he was doused with spray, some even in his face. I stripped him right there in the front yard and then took him into the bathroom. While turning on the shower, I called work to let them know I would be pretty late due to a skunk issue then called my husband, Mike. He happened to be only 5 minutes away. I then called poison control because I had no clue what to do about Lake's face and I was concerned that he had gotten some of the spray in his eyes.
On a side note, if you ever have this happen, all they tell you is to rinse with water and keep an eye on the infected area.
When Mike got home, the skunk was still in the area so Mike killed it as it appeared to have mange. At that point I was thanking any and all entity that my son had only been sprayed and not bitten. We got Lake cleaned up as best we could and then I cleaned up as best I could. Mike was able to keep the kids home with him so off to work I went. Going to work when all you can smell is skunk radiating from your hands is not fun at all. I think I spent the first half hour at work washing my hands in bleach just to rid myself of the smell. My boss came up to me and sniffed me to see if I smelled too. Yes...he sniffed me. Awkward!
After the rush of adrenaline wore off and the story was told, I could see the hilarity in it. To this day, we warn Lake that if the "kitty" is black with a white stripe on it's back, to avoid it at all costs. Now that he is 8, he doesn't find it too funny. We however do.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
My take on parenting
I am lucky enough to be called Mom by two small beings that keep me in a constant whirlwind of emotions. I can't go a day without laughing because they have a quick wit tinged with sarcasm, even at the ages of 8 & 9. They have made me cry, shake with anger, laugh until my sides hurt and I have a hard time catching my breath, worry, stress, and so may others. Most of all, they have taught me to be ever present in my personal day to day choices, for what I do and say teaches them.
My daughter told me a week or so ago that that saying is true, you really do learn something new every day. She said that each day, when we talk about their day, I help them to find a way to deal with what may be bothering them or another approach to a simple problem. When someone is being mean to them, I have taught them to smile at that person, compliment them, and walk away. When another child teases them because they still believe in everything magical, I have taught them to nicely ask the child to stop, as it is something that makes them happy and it's not ok for another to try and take that away. There is a new lesson about being a kind hearted human being each day.
My kids go to a charter school. The school itself is small, with only a couple hundred students making up K-8. It's run a bit like a Montessori where it's a multi grade classroom. There is a lottery to determine who gets in. If you start your kids out in kindergarten, it is easier to get in and then future siblings are guaranteed a spot. Occasionally spots open up in the older grades, but those are harder to get in to due to wait lists and such. This year, there was a new little boy in my son's 2-3 class. For the first week or so, my son would tell me how the little boy would just kind of wander around during recess, looking a bit lost. I reminded him of how he felt going in to kindergarten, feeling lost and lonely because he went to a different school for Pre-K. I asked him if he thought it might be a good idea to ask this little boy if he wanted to play, or if he needed help finding anything. My son thought about it for a minute and then got a huge grin on his face. He told me that the next day he was going to make sure that little boy felt included so that he liked their school.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on which is harder to raise, a boy or a girl. For me, they are equally hard. I feel as if my job is to teach my daughter to be confident, but humble. Confident in who she is and how she looks, without going overboard in ego and crossing that line I like to refer to as "brat". With my son, I struggle with teaching him to have respect for women, without turning him into a "mamas boy". Both of my children I have pushed independence from day one. That might be why they were both walking and talking before their first birthday. I have also been adamant that they are smarter than children are given credit for, so I talk to them as I would an adult. Because of this, we have had some very deep conversations at their young age, conversations I don't think I had until I was much older. But in having these conversations, it has taught them to ask questions when they don't understand. Yes, some topics are hard to discuss, but they have a respect for all topics that would otherwise seem taboo and create an uncomfortable feeling. By talking about everything under the sun, they have an awareness in how they treat not only the people around them, but the land we live in and on. They are still kids, act like kids, but they are able to stop and assess the situation more often than not.
Like all parents, I want my kids to have the opportunity to have more choices in their future than I do. I have thought long and hard about how I can help them achieve that. I feel that my job as their mom is pretty damn important. I am trying to teach them kindness and compassion, so that they may treat those that they meet fairly, for they do not know the story of other's. I am trying to instill a strength in character so that they may follow their heart and stand firm in their beliefs, with the ability to see the potential of the other side. I want them to be able to recognize that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we can all overcome those should we be willing to take the steps. I also want them to have a sense of independence, for they must know love for themselves before they can wholly love another, as well as know that they don't need to define themselves by another. And lastly, I am trying to keep their sense of wonder and love of the magical alive and kicking, for to keep that intact will allow them to see the beauty in everything.
My daughter told me a week or so ago that that saying is true, you really do learn something new every day. She said that each day, when we talk about their day, I help them to find a way to deal with what may be bothering them or another approach to a simple problem. When someone is being mean to them, I have taught them to smile at that person, compliment them, and walk away. When another child teases them because they still believe in everything magical, I have taught them to nicely ask the child to stop, as it is something that makes them happy and it's not ok for another to try and take that away. There is a new lesson about being a kind hearted human being each day.
My kids go to a charter school. The school itself is small, with only a couple hundred students making up K-8. It's run a bit like a Montessori where it's a multi grade classroom. There is a lottery to determine who gets in. If you start your kids out in kindergarten, it is easier to get in and then future siblings are guaranteed a spot. Occasionally spots open up in the older grades, but those are harder to get in to due to wait lists and such. This year, there was a new little boy in my son's 2-3 class. For the first week or so, my son would tell me how the little boy would just kind of wander around during recess, looking a bit lost. I reminded him of how he felt going in to kindergarten, feeling lost and lonely because he went to a different school for Pre-K. I asked him if he thought it might be a good idea to ask this little boy if he wanted to play, or if he needed help finding anything. My son thought about it for a minute and then got a huge grin on his face. He told me that the next day he was going to make sure that little boy felt included so that he liked their school.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on which is harder to raise, a boy or a girl. For me, they are equally hard. I feel as if my job is to teach my daughter to be confident, but humble. Confident in who she is and how she looks, without going overboard in ego and crossing that line I like to refer to as "brat". With my son, I struggle with teaching him to have respect for women, without turning him into a "mamas boy". Both of my children I have pushed independence from day one. That might be why they were both walking and talking before their first birthday. I have also been adamant that they are smarter than children are given credit for, so I talk to them as I would an adult. Because of this, we have had some very deep conversations at their young age, conversations I don't think I had until I was much older. But in having these conversations, it has taught them to ask questions when they don't understand. Yes, some topics are hard to discuss, but they have a respect for all topics that would otherwise seem taboo and create an uncomfortable feeling. By talking about everything under the sun, they have an awareness in how they treat not only the people around them, but the land we live in and on. They are still kids, act like kids, but they are able to stop and assess the situation more often than not.
Like all parents, I want my kids to have the opportunity to have more choices in their future than I do. I have thought long and hard about how I can help them achieve that. I feel that my job as their mom is pretty damn important. I am trying to teach them kindness and compassion, so that they may treat those that they meet fairly, for they do not know the story of other's. I am trying to instill a strength in character so that they may follow their heart and stand firm in their beliefs, with the ability to see the potential of the other side. I want them to be able to recognize that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and we can all overcome those should we be willing to take the steps. I also want them to have a sense of independence, for they must know love for themselves before they can wholly love another, as well as know that they don't need to define themselves by another. And lastly, I am trying to keep their sense of wonder and love of the magical alive and kicking, for to keep that intact will allow them to see the beauty in everything.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
The journey to me
Question.
Do you know who YOU are?
I do, maybe, I'm not sure. I do know that I am working on figuring that question out. I also know that I am leaps and bounds closer to knowing than I was even a year ago.
For so long I felt I was defined as being a wife, a mother, a friend of this person and that person, a sibling, and a daughter. But then I realized by defining myself as that, I had lost who I was, even before I had figured out who that was. Yes, I am all those things, but who am I on the inside. What is it that makes me ME. What are the qualities of me that make me able to be the wife, mother, friend, sibling, and child. How can I be those things to those people if I can't even figure out what it is that makes me tick as an individual.
Do you know who YOU are?
I do, maybe, I'm not sure. I do know that I am working on figuring that question out. I also know that I am leaps and bounds closer to knowing than I was even a year ago.
For so long I felt I was defined as being a wife, a mother, a friend of this person and that person, a sibling, and a daughter. But then I realized by defining myself as that, I had lost who I was, even before I had figured out who that was. Yes, I am all those things, but who am I on the inside. What is it that makes me ME. What are the qualities of me that make me able to be the wife, mother, friend, sibling, and child. How can I be those things to those people if I can't even figure out what it is that makes me tick as an individual.
Have you ever had a sequence of events happen in which you had to stop and reevaluate? People in your life let you down in a way that just makes you lose trust in just about everything? Though it deeply hurts at the time, that is the chance you have been given to dig deep and look at everything. Instead of blaming everything on those that hurt you, you have just been given the gift of evaluating not only their actions, but your actions and responses. I'm not saying take all the blame off of them. I'm just pointing out that you have a responsibility to yourself to also look at how you reacted before, during, and after.
I had this friend that I thought was one of my closest friends. I supported her in her struggles for many years, even to the point of toning myself down when we were at gatherings to make sure she didn't feel left out. When what she was struggling with finally had a happy ending, I didn't receive a call, I found out on social media. To say that I was hurt was a huge understatement. I felt like the last 9 years were a lie and I lost the ability to trust friendships. For a while I was so angry and hurt that I just shut down. But then I was given a verbal wake up call and I had to make the decision to continue being mad and hurt or move on. Decisions like that don't come in an instant. I had to first reflect inward to see why I was so upset, besides the obvious. In doing so I realized that she and I never really had the friendship I thought we had. It was a very lopsided friendship, in which I was always there for her and always respecting her feelings and needs, yet very rarely was that reciprocated. As I mentioned before, I changed myself whenever I was with her, toned myself down, so that she was comfortable. It was then I was able to let go of the anger and forgive the hurt because it was again lopsided and only hurting me.
I am the type of person that takes time to warm up to anyone, but when I do, I have no problem showing my quirky side. In my soul searching I came to the conclusion that if someone can't handle my personality, that was their problem. No person is worth changing yourself for. Harsh sounding but very true. Your personality is a huge part of what makes you YOU. I have learned to embrace my personality and in doing so I have found happiness.
Months after the fallout with the former friend, my husband and I had a very enlightening conversation. The friend is the wife to one of his good friends and the two of them were constantly trying to get us to mend our relationship. I had finally had enough of his meddling and sat him down. I asked him if he had noticed how happy I had been recently. He agreed that he had noticed. He then asked if I was that happy because she and I were no longer friends. To which I responded, 'no, that has nothing to do with my happiness. I am happy because I have learned how to embrace my quirks and weirdness, something I have not done for years because I was so worried about making someone else happy.' He has since given up trying to get us to mend the friendship and just enjoyed being silly with me.
I am still learning what all makes me happy. I still get hurt by people in my life and I probably always will but the fallout doesn't last nearly as long. I am blunt and to the point. I have a quick wit that lives in the gutter more often than not. My moral code is pretty high but I will try to put myself in another's shoes and I try never to judge unless I am judging myself. I need my alone time and have no problem telling people to back off. I am nowhere near perfect but I am perfectly me, and me makes me happy.
I had this friend that I thought was one of my closest friends. I supported her in her struggles for many years, even to the point of toning myself down when we were at gatherings to make sure she didn't feel left out. When what she was struggling with finally had a happy ending, I didn't receive a call, I found out on social media. To say that I was hurt was a huge understatement. I felt like the last 9 years were a lie and I lost the ability to trust friendships. For a while I was so angry and hurt that I just shut down. But then I was given a verbal wake up call and I had to make the decision to continue being mad and hurt or move on. Decisions like that don't come in an instant. I had to first reflect inward to see why I was so upset, besides the obvious. In doing so I realized that she and I never really had the friendship I thought we had. It was a very lopsided friendship, in which I was always there for her and always respecting her feelings and needs, yet very rarely was that reciprocated. As I mentioned before, I changed myself whenever I was with her, toned myself down, so that she was comfortable. It was then I was able to let go of the anger and forgive the hurt because it was again lopsided and only hurting me.
I am the type of person that takes time to warm up to anyone, but when I do, I have no problem showing my quirky side. In my soul searching I came to the conclusion that if someone can't handle my personality, that was their problem. No person is worth changing yourself for. Harsh sounding but very true. Your personality is a huge part of what makes you YOU. I have learned to embrace my personality and in doing so I have found happiness.
Months after the fallout with the former friend, my husband and I had a very enlightening conversation. The friend is the wife to one of his good friends and the two of them were constantly trying to get us to mend our relationship. I had finally had enough of his meddling and sat him down. I asked him if he had noticed how happy I had been recently. He agreed that he had noticed. He then asked if I was that happy because she and I were no longer friends. To which I responded, 'no, that has nothing to do with my happiness. I am happy because I have learned how to embrace my quirks and weirdness, something I have not done for years because I was so worried about making someone else happy.' He has since given up trying to get us to mend the friendship and just enjoyed being silly with me.
I am still learning what all makes me happy. I still get hurt by people in my life and I probably always will but the fallout doesn't last nearly as long. I am blunt and to the point. I have a quick wit that lives in the gutter more often than not. My moral code is pretty high but I will try to put myself in another's shoes and I try never to judge unless I am judging myself. I need my alone time and have no problem telling people to back off. I am nowhere near perfect but I am perfectly me, and me makes me happy.
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