Love and its lesson

I keep seeing quotes on social media about how you can't fully love another until you love yourself first. I agree...but I don't.

Our first experience with love is in the womb...usually. I have read enough beautiful stories and seen enough stunning videos showing that the developing baby inside its mother's womb will show that it recognizes the voice and touch of its mother, sometimes the father and other people that spend time cooing and touching the stomach of the mother. When a baby is born, it will recognize those voices, love those voices. As we grow day by day, year by year, more and more people come into our lives that teach us about love and its many facets. Family and friends of the parents, school mates, teachers, daycare providers...the list goes on. So doesn't it make sense that as we are taught love from others, that those lessons we are taught how to love ourselves?

This is a question that is on my mind often these days. I forgot how to love myself, if I ever knew how to begin with. Don't get me wrong, there are things about myself that I like, admire, sometimes love, but as a whole I am still learning. However, as a mother, I can honestly say that no matter what positive or negative feeling I harbor towards myself, the depths with which I love my children knows no bounds. They drive me to distraction, make me cry, have me pulling my hair in frustration, seething in anger...but they also can calm me with a quick grab of my hand, a cuddle, a laugh, a joke, a simple mischievous look. My children can induce an extreme spectrum of emotions in one single day but love is the one thing that is constant.

I have said it before and I will say it again...every single person that comes into our lives is put there to teach us something. Some are there for a short time, some for years, a very few are there for the majority of our life. Each one is there to teach us love, acceptance, compassion, and empathy, whether it be for them or for ourselves. Some of the people in my lifetime that made the most impact I only knew for a very short time. Maybe learning how to love ourselves has to do with these lessons others teach us. How we react to another human being can teach us what we like or dislike about ourselves. If someone incites anger, why did it make you angry. If another easily makes you laugh and smile, why? What is it about these people that creates these strong reactions within us?

Personally, I have tried to evaluate every failed relationship I have had with friend or family. I will try to determine what it is that I did to contribute to the end, what it was about the other person that caused me to stop trying. By doing this, I have learned what it is about myself that I feel I need to work on and what it is I am willing to accept from another person. I do this so that I can be a better me, learn to love me.

My circle is small. People come into my life mostly for a season and I am okay with that. I believe the Fates put them in my path for a reason. I believe they are there to teach me new facets of love and acceptance. Yes, I am saddened when our connection ends. I will look back sometimes and miss that person, miss the happy times I had with them, but I remember them with a smile because they taught me something about humans in general and myself and love.

Do I believe that you need to love yourself first before you can fully love another? Not exactly. I believe that you need to be open to growing your self love, and the only way you can accomplish that is by opening yourself to another human being and the potential of heartbreak. We are constantly evolving, and love itself is not as simple as a four letter word, so how can we fully love ourselves day in and day out when we are a different person at different stages in our lives?

Love is an amazingly powerful entity. Always take in the lessons of life, for they will teach you self love. Always fall in love with people that come into your life, for they will teach you love as a whole.