When life brings you to a fork in the road...

"Even when you can't imagine how

How you're ever gonna find your way out

Even when you're drowning in your doubt

Just look beyond the clouds

~

Whatever you're facing

If your heart is breaking

There's a promise for the ones who just hold on

Lift up your eyes and see

The sun is rising"

When you come to a fork in life, you have a choice to make. Do you stay on the well traveled path? The one that you are comfortable with? The path that, though not exactly what you had imagined, wasn't altogether bad, but not altogether great? Or do you choose the path you can barely make out the entrance to, the one that may bring great joy and accomplishment, but also may not. The unknown path that you can only hope you have the strength to travel?

I chose the unknown path at this fork.

I have always felt a little lost and lonely in life. That is partly my fault because I didn't know how to communicate what I needed. I didn't know what I needed, so how could I possibly let someone else know? I never took the time to find out who I was alone. Instead I fell in love, got married, had kids...all the things that you are "supposed" to do when you fall in love. The problem with that was, I had no clue who I was, so what little I did know of me, I lost in the process of being a good wife, a good mother, a good employee, a good homemaker. I eventually shut down and became a smiling robot. My husband knew I had withdrawn, but he had no idea how to get in.

I woke up one day and realized what I had been doing. It was like a light switched on and I was a whirlwind to try to "fix" it. Fix what, I didn't know. My marriage, my life, my self worth...all of the above. After months of trying to "fix" it, I came to the harsh realization that there was no fixing what was no longer there. By withdrawing for so long, I had lost that love, the love for my husband, the love for me.

I had reached my fork and I now had a decision to make. One that would also affect my husband and my two precious children.

There's a stigma about divorce. That it is dirty. That it has to be nasty and drawn out. That you use the kids as a battle ground. I call bullshit. Divorce can be peaceful. Yes, I know, that sounds ridiculous, but it is very true. My husband and I found our friendship again. With that we were able to sit down and hash out the details fairly and in an adult manner. We help each other out and share in the responsibility of the kids. He also shares in the blame, if you can call it blame, for the end of the marriage. I have found my best friend again. No, I do not want to be married to him anymore, but I know that he will always have my back and I will have his. He has been my biggest supporter on my new journey.

Choosing the unknown path has been a struggle. There have been good moments, sad moments, happy moments, hell...there have been moments in which I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself what the hell I'm doing. But through it all, I have a peacefulness inside that hasn't been there in a long time, if ever. I am still lonely, but I am lonely on my terms now. I know that one day I will find that piece of myself that will chase away the loneliness. I am slowly following my dreams and all the while showing my kids that it is okay to choose the less traveled path, that you should go after what you really truly want and the people that matter will stay in your corner no matter what.

I am at the beginning of this new journey. Stay tuned...as I find out who I am and follow my dreams I will keep you updated. Who knows, maybe it will inspire you to find the courage and inner strength to follow your unknown path.